獅子老師的山居筆記

迎著多日不見的冬陽，她來到巷弄裡的咖啡店，沿著前院的石子小徑來到大門，往裡望去盡是原木如咖啡的顏色，她就喜歡這個地方了。挑了靠窗的位置坐下，與陽光同桌。侍者過來，她簡單地點了美式咖啡，『就這樣？』侍者問，她點點頭。手機響起，朋友說會晚一些時候到，她說沒關係，就咖啡，就冬陽，等待也成美事。

咖啡店裡漆成白色，淡藍的條紋如海浪如藍天，一樣寬廣怡人。咖啡來了，濃郁得深不可測，把熱牛奶加了一滴進這滾燙，一圈圈如海浪，在小小的杯緣內興風作浪，一波波地，她看到了阿彥。

阿彥，把海介紹給她的男孩，那時候他們才小學一年級，小小的她坐在小小的阿彥旁邊，屬於發呆日子的小學生，什麼都記不得的，倒記得阿彥的海。畫畫課裡當老師還沒有示範完畫畫的主題，阿彥已經決絕地畫了起來，她好奇地靠過去看，他奮力地用蠟筆畫上一道道的藍，『這是什麼啊？』她問，阿彥沒有看她，神氣地回答：『海。』藍天與海，海天一色。原來海是長這樣的，她想。

一．藍

又是化學實驗課，她慢慢地走進教室，這科目對她來說簡直就是不可能的任務，每次的數據沒有一次和課本的一樣，而實驗桌總是弄得亂七八糟，量杯混合液到處都是，筆記本不是被淋濕，就是被臨時拿去當抹布擦桌子。她坐下，翻翻今天的實驗，看來簡單，是用顯微鏡看原子筆畫出來的線條。

『你們看到的，將與你們想像的有一段距離哦。記住，要忘記你們看到的線條，再看顯微鏡。』老師叮嚀著。小組長用原子筆畫了一條線，把它固定在顯微鏡下，『什麼也沒有看到啊。』組長說。她靠過去看，把右邊調整焦距的調整鈕旋轉了一下，忽然，她看到了一堆不整齊橫豎亂排的線條，好像停靠在河岸的樹樁，粗壯結實，和樹樁不一樣的是這些線條是擴大的浪漫的淡藍色。

Once upon a time there was a chair, she remembered it very well on the corner of 67th street and York Ave. Ever since her little sister moved from New York to the west coast, she felt like she had left New York as well. She imagined herself on the moving van driving away from the Big Apple. The skyscrapers, the landscape and the ocean, all the mighty fading, pulling further and further away like the aging eyes could not focus on anything but the vague memories.

Once upon a time there was this chair, to be precise a park bench rather. She thought of it when her sister called her telling her that she had settled down in the new city, a new life started, as the new journey. She then thought of that chair. With all the chairs in the world, she wanted to claim it hers.

Her chair, embraced her in a cold October night. She walked out of the hospital and went right to it, as she sat down she started to cry. She cried as nothing mattered, no, the whole thing mattered too damn much she couldn’t bear. She cried and cried, tears running down, no time to wipe them off. She let it all out. People walking by, buses driving by, the world was still going on, the war was on, the promise too, was on. She just needed the moment, this chair would understand.

瑞瑞看看錶，下午五點半了，雖然公司還有人在，她已決定要早點回家。打點桌上未做完的文件，準備明天再完成。走出公司大門，向地鐵站走去。二月的紐約還是陰冷的，而天空還下著雨。「真是的，什麼鬼天氣。」瑞瑞縮縮身子，邊走邊抱怨。

坐在地鐵上，瑞瑞因最近感冒，疲倦異常。她眼睛盯在對面的一個東方臉孔，他正在讀一份中文報紙。報紙上印著斗大的紅字﹕「XX日報恭祝讀者新年快樂！恭喜發財！」恭喜發財？又過中國年了？在美國，沒有仔細注意，日子還不是就這樣過了。她打算回家途中，去中國超市買一塊小小的年糕，以示慶祝。

回到公寓，瑞瑞打開燈，小地方頓時有了些溫暖。她習慣性的把東西一扔，先躺在沙發上，按下電話答錄機。「嗶嗶——阿瑞啊，是媽媽。明天是台灣除夕夜，別忘了轉鬧鐘起來，打電話回臺中拜年。我們加州這裏還要更早起來呢。你感冒有沒有好一點？還有二伯母哪親戚看得如何？回來時打開電話吧。」